The Christmas season is upon us, with only 8 days left until that jolly old fat guy comes down your chimney to leave present for everyone to enjoy. By now a lot of you already have your shopping done, and I congratulate you for being better than everyone else in the world that still haven’t started shopping. But for those select few…ah who am I kidding? For those few million people that haven’t begun, now is the perfect time. I am sure you have found yourself asking, “Should I shop online or battle the crowds at the mall?” Well don’t bother anymore, because I will give the top 10 reasons to do both in: ONLINE vs. IN LINE
1. No lines
Honestly, who can stand waiting in lines that wrap around the whole building, going in and out of the bathrooms, I can’t. With online shopping, you don’t have to deal with losing your place in line or getting pushed by some crazed, caffeine-hocked-up-soccer-mom trying to find the new “Tickle-Me-Elmo” doll for her 4-year-old kid.
2. Better chance of finding something
Since stores online usually say when a product has been sold out, one can easily go to the next online store of their choosing. You don’t have to worry about being the first person inside the store to run all the way to a certain section of the store to only find out the toy you’re looking for has been sold out for a month.
3. Satisfaction of winning online auction
What else can be said about this? When you read “Congratulations! You are the winner!” pop-up on your screen after having a 10-minute bidding war with sccrmomfrmHELL is when you know your kid will be happy this Christmas while sccrmomfrmHELL‘s kid won’t. And that just makes you feel good inside.
4. No heavy bags to carry
Face it, you are no Arnold Schwarzenegger. You can only lift 50+lbs toys a few times a day without pulling something. With online shopping, some poor sap has to drive around in a big brown van wearing short brown shorts in 20 degree weather carrying packages to and from his van while you sit inside with your pajamas sipping hot chocolate. Yeah, exactly.
5. Do it in your underwear
Imagine going out in public with nothing but your underwear? Sure you’d probably have a better chance of getting everything on the lists you have, but that’s only because you would scare everyone else away. Trust me; stay at home where no one can see you.
6. Don’t have to find parking spot
Not only will you spend hundreds of dollars on presents for everyone, but you will also have to spend tons of cash on gas by driving around parking lots trying to find a place to park. Nor will you have to deal with hundreds of vans driven by caffeine-hocked-up-soccer-moms.
7. Point and Click
Found what you were looking for? Well, just point and click and you are done. This goes back to no. 1, no lines. Nothing is more simple than having all of your billing information, filled out on some website you have never heard of, just one click away.
8. No annoying sales-people
“Hi, may I help you?”
“No, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? I can help you find something, anything!”
“No, really, I’m just looking.”
“May I suggest looking over here by the iPods and Zunes and 64″ HDTVs and kittens?”
“Please, leave me alone.”
“Here, take this pointless list of everything in store that we say is on sale when we actually raised the price for those caffeine-hocked-up-soccer-moms.”
Yeah, sales-people suck. They will stop at nothing you sell you something.
9. No fights/shootings over hottest toy
Need I say more?
1. Grabbing the last toy from the shelf
The feeling you get from doing this is better than winning the online auction. Not only will your child have a better Christmas than everyone else’s child, you can flaunt that. Walk around the store telling everyone how you got the last toy in stock and they didn’t.
2. The Rush you get standing with the caffeine-hocked-up-soccer-moms
Trust me, these ladies are crazy. Nothing gets in their way. The energy they contain is seething from their pores; you can almost taste it in the air. Basically these ladies are like Vietnam War vets who are in the middle of a panic attack. They slip into some state of being where nothing can stop them, not even Charlie.
3. Camping out in front of a store waiting for it to open
Only the real geeks do this, or the real desperate. If it is the day before Christmas Eve and you have absolutely nothing better to do, camp outside in front of Best Buy or some videogame store. Just be warned, you might meet some interesting characters who will stop at nothing to get their hands on a Wii or Playstation 3.
4. Watching panicked husbands try to find their wife a gift on Christmas Eve
These guys are the worst. They wait until the last minute to go shopping, and by that time there is nothing good left. These husbands give so much entertainment to the rest of us, it’s almost worth going out Christmas Eve just to watch them squirm. Don’t feel sorry for them just because you went out 2 weeks earlier and found everything on your list, while they are going to have to settle for a pair of wool socks and cheap perfume. Just sit back and enjoy their anguish.
5. Fights/shootings over hottest toy
Need I say more?
Okay, it’s obvious online shopping is much easier to do but with less satisfaction. You see so much more by venturing out and battling the crowds. Whatever your shopping plans are this Christmas, good luck with them. I just hope you avoid sccrmomfrmHELL and all of her caffeine-hocked-up-soccer-mom friends.